Roller Coaster

So, the day started with a lot of pain.
And i tried to push my beachball feelings into the water all day.
It looked so familiar.
The old script.
I let the loneliness, the abandonment, the idea that someone had given up again and harry houdini-ed yet again get the better of me.

By the time I sat down with S to do our one-month-to-live thing…I had reached the end of myself.
I wept. yet again.
And she let me.

It occurred to me that I just have to fall into the ravine.
There’s no turning back.
And I am spent.

The higher powers and all its promises are in charge now.
Today, I think I took the next step of embracing the idea that I can’t do this alone.

Old script says I can control it. I began to believe it and got more tired.
Instead the beach ball surfaced and bobbed in the water.
Ugh. another lie.
the truth is a persistent MF.
I’m glad.

By the time I saw KC, I was okay. As in really okay.
I knew I had broken through.

I did YOGA after everything and before I knew it, I reached the end of my roller coaster ride.
Alive.
And feeling so much better.

Lord, pwede bang ferris wheel na lang muna bukas.
O octopus.

grateful slice: surviving and reaching breakthroughs.

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