I realized why.
While Tea Leoni (in “GhostTown”) was asking Ricky Gervais why she was not good enough (to Greg Kinnear). If he loved her at all.
I finally realized, at that point, why every sound and word and comment and facial gesture annoyed me. To such an incomprehensible level.
It was because I was secretly blaming her … for everything. (past and recent and annoying and co-dependent and clingy and needy and damsel-like and insecure, the total absence of boundaries and all forms of abandonment – perceived or real)
Once I understood, I felt better.
Like the freaking thorn on my side was finally removed from where it was lodged.
It’s an old wound, so it didn’t bleed out.
I just totally understood.
Now I can do something about it.
And be kinder.
Because I totally, effing get it.
grateful slice: ephiphanies about my mother