NOTE to SELF: Don’t forget who you are numbskull

I feel so much better.
Normal even.
Back to extraordinary and blessed.
It’s like I had stuck my head into my own ass only to have my bestfriends and my sister help me pull it out again. I mean, I didn’t want to stay in there. I knew they were right. But I wept anyway and let myself feel like a freaking cliche’ for a day.

Let me affirm though that timing is everything.
Better this way than that. Better from my peeps than anyone else. Better now than later.
Better after my trip and before the daily grind.
(read: because damn the pain…no more emoting at the workplace ever, I say.
“The first cut, won’t hurt at all. The second only makes you wonder…the third will have you on your knees….)

Big picture, I am way beyond this useless crap. (insert apology here: sorry for consistent anal and poop references. not intentional.)
All of it is irrelevant.
Ultimately, the shit doesn’t matter.
It’s not a reflection of me.
It has nothing to do with me.

Relief and my moment of clarity came when uncle (and many of my other merry messengers) reminded me of the blessings; what truly counts.
Change the old scripts. Live the paradigm shift.
I am so so so glad I am no longer that girl
and that I am spared from ever having to be that girl.
I am especially ecstatic that I am this Girl.
New DNA. New heart. New chapter. New haircut. New shoes.
I mean, I was the one who left the dark maleta-sized den with the click-clack of my stilletos.
So what if I don’t and won’t travel light. Screw you, is what I really wanted to say to you as you stumbled about in your drunken stupor.
I deserve better, fool.

Everything happens for a reason, uncle said.
The spiraling was not of my doing. It was his. I remind myself and reclaim it.
None of this bullshit, current or otherwise, is about me; we all strongly agreed.

In the beginning and at the end, He is jealous just for me.
That’s really what matters most.


grateful slice: perfect timing, goood friends, grrrrreat advice and strong reminders.

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