Marsellus has been meowing all morning. He must know something. I do wish right now that I could speak cat. What sage advice would Mr. Wallace give me today? I mean it can’t be about food or water. I just fed him.
In the meantime, it has hit me that I am due to be in the airport to pick up A in three hours. The armpit of an airport also known as NAIA (Terminal 1). The last time I was there, a kind Malaysia Airline person allowed me to go through without paying for the over weight charge. This after he made me open all my luggage to take stuff in and out, Pinoy style. Still, I was super grateful. His kindness was a great start to a wonderful workshop experience. Anyway, seems like I’ve been traversing these airports as the lone pilgrim the past year & and half and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Because way before that, it was all about tentative hellos and painful good-byes and bracing ourselves for the pang of abandonment and reeling from the mind numbing sex haze and well, love the way it looks like in our heads. Desensitized souls. False hope. Half-truths and downright lies. Using our own strength to make it all fall into place. Pleading. That was a tiring place to be.
The year and a half that has come and gone plus today is very different, though. From going on my first workshop in Bangkok (and losing my luggage) last Sept, 2009 to heading to NYC to love on my sister (twice!) and now allowing this mysterious thing unravel for real, it’s just different. The way we define who we are and the associations we make towards places and things really depend on the stories we want to tell about our lives. I have been telling the same narrative about who I am for so long and it recently occurred to me that it no longer applies. At all. I believe we can’t forget where we come from, the shadows we live with and the secrets we tend to keep but everyday is a new day. And even if redemption is a personal and complex thing, it happens. To anyone who wants it. And because my narrative is changing, today moved from impossible to possible.
I am so happy and grateful right now and it’s 9:00 am so I need to get ready. What now? What happens next? We shall see…
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